I need a new job...

"Your score indicates that you have many signs of burnout"
(No Shit!)

People that score in this range sometimes have trouble coping with the demands of daily life. They often feel overwhelmed. They sometimes lack energy and are unable to manage stress. They have trouble sleeping and have many physical complaints.

(Lack sleep? I'm so bored I feel like I could sleep on the job!)

People who score in this range are not usually able to set realistic and attainable goals for themselves. They can be pessimistic about their work and future. (HA HA HA!) They are often unable to relax and enjoy their non-working time. (I have so much fun away from work, I don't want to come in.. hows that sound?) They have a very difficult time separating work life and home life. (Can I please go home?)

People who score in this range cannot typically control and recognise their feelings or act on them appropriately. They sometimes have difficulty learning from their mistakes. They often lack compassion and respect for other people. (! My boss is retarded!) They can feel isolated and alone.

(Laughing at the next paragraph.)
People who score in this range can be excellent workers. However, because of their desire to get ahead they often take on too much work and responsibility. They often become so overwhelmed that they lose their focus and are not able to do their best work. They can become confused about what is expected of them and become distressed when they feel they are not living up to assumed expectations. They can become bitter, angry and resentful. (Me? Resentful?)


However, there is hope for people on the verge of burnout so don’t give up! You can regain control and begin to enjoy your work again. People who score in this range can decrease their level of burnout by setting realistic work goals, making time for themselves, exercising, *being open to the idea of changing jobs* (I'm SO open), reading books about handling stress, keeping a diary (isn't that what this is?), pursuing an interest outside work, spending time with their families and friends, overcoming negative thoughts, getting involved in some community activity, and, most importantly, by learning to say no.
(NO, I will not come to work today.)

You can definitely get back on track! Good luck.

(Gee thanks.)

Praying for a miracle... need a new job and need one fast. I'm so tired of this job!

Less than 5 months.

Yes, it's me once again. The fabulous, stressed out, slightly overweight, very PMSing, and very sleepy bride to be. The wedding is now less than 5 months away. I am glad. We are going to start painting and have already started the process of packing and tossing 7 years of "collected matter" that resides in the remnants of my apartment.

His mom is in the hospital, and i hope all will work out for the best. Hate to see her in pain and hurting. Hope all the test results come back favorably, and she is on her way to normal again. Normal is good. Not knowing how she is going to be in four months does tend to worry me a little, but not so much as to drop everything and panic.

I am so glad I am not having a very fancy wedding. Everything is simple and plain. That is good. There is less to mess up that way and I feel like I can focus more on the "merging of 2 homes and finances" portion of the prenuptial activities. Because of my lack of inspiration these last 4 months, I feel as though the simple style is the fastest and most efficient means of achieving the desired end result. That being, to just get through the damn shower, wedding and reception without any major fuss or drama. To open the gifts (preferably without an audience) that will most likely be piled in our garage with everything else and send out thank you notes as swiftly as possible.

I'm looking forward to the honeymoon on the beach resort, and have already started fantasizing about the all inclusive food and beverage. Everyone needs a long week of vacation after a year such as this. It will be a nice big break.

I'm all for that!

Go Speed Racer

I ran last night and it was a pretty good run. One of those runs where all you feel is the cool air hitting your face. After 10 minutes, you can't stop. Every muscle in your body is saying, "Hey - we got a groove here, don't ruin it! Keep going! Run faster!" It was a good day.

I'm so happy election time is just around the corner. I'm sick of our local radio and tv stations clogged with the most retarded commercials. (They are so bad!) Tried to watch the NLCS last night and all I had to watch were these commercials!
If only my internet class started tonight instead of Wednesday, then I wouldn't have to try to watch game 5 of the series and study at the same time.

The florist I've been dealing with is supposed to send me the final revised estimate now. It has been 3 months since we started the flower selection process. I have news for this lady. I am taking her estimate around to see if we can get a better deal and better service elsewhere. She may be good at design, but she sucks at customer service. I don't need any drama on my wedding day. No drama.

Can't wait until January gets here and we only have 6 more months to get stuff done...I'm running out of things I can do and I'm sitting here with all this time on my hands.

I need a little mini vacation - would love to travel... but no money!!!!! All this wedding stuff is killing me.

Argh.

Kill Florist Part 2

I got the estimate back from the florist on Friday. I think I will begin pulling out my non-existant hair!
Why do florists highball everything and expect a person to bite? I see right through it.

So back and forth we go once more to clear up the great mystery of the floral budget. Everytime I walk into the shop I feel like I'm walking into an episode of Seinfeld. I can just hear the Soup Nazi. "NO! No FLOWERS FOR YOU!"

This weekend is the magic garage sale. I hope and pray we sell some of our ever growing "inventory." Now that I have boxed everything up, I do not want to move it again into the attic.

Alphie, the little red betta fish sitting on my desk, is behaving strangely this morning. I thought it was maybe his food, but now I realize he hates my shirt! I wore a bright red shirt this morning to work. Wherever I walk in the room, he follows me in his bowl. When I sit to type, he stares at me. If I turn to look at him, he flares at me. What an odd little creature.

Back to my daydreaming and designing....

By the way...

I just looked at my calendar.

Has anyone noticed that November 2, Election Day is also "Day of the Dead"?

I can see it now...zombies walking from the polls.

That would make a GREAT movie!

The Bride learns patience in housekeeping.

I snuck into the florist's downtown shop yesterday at lunch. I totally surprised her! Yay! AND I got to actually speak to her instead of her assistant, so that was a bonus.

She promised me an estimate today in my email. The clock is ticking at 8:40 a.m. CT. Let's see if she follows through.

This weekend I am happily sending the fiance away to the lake to help his dad with the boat and waverunner maintenance. I will have his entire home to myself and hope to get everything ready for a massive neighborhood garage sale next Saturday. My fiance and I do not live together yet, and I have a couple more months on an unbreakable lease. This actually works out better because his house is very much the bachelor pad. (We don't have a lot of kitchen supplies and I am constantly running out of toilet paper over there!) It gives me lots of time to clean and reorganize to my taste. We are lucky it is such a nice new home, and really only needs a good dusting and vacuum now and again to perk it up. The garage sale is going to hopefully get rid of some nasty furniture he inherited from his grandma and lots of old old 90's polo shirts.

(Interested in having a garage sale? Try this link: Garage Sale 101

I tried for a half hour to talk him into getting rid of some of his t-shirts. What is it with men and t-shirts?! He has like 90+ shirts, and if they are ratty or holey under the armpits, I'm like "Can we please use this as a dust rag?" I get that hurt look, "OH NO - THAT'S THE blah blah SHIRT FROM blah blah. It's my FAVORITE SHIRT." He has 90 favorite shirts. Funny, I only see him wear about 10 of them. I can handle 10 favorite shirts, (hey I am a woman - I have clothes too!) but when we go into pack rat mode, it gets a little silly. "No you can't get rid of that shirt, I wore that to the playoff game." I point to the holes in the armpits, "Apparently you've worn it to a lot of other places honey, can we please put it out of it's misery?" Then I get the, "Well, maybe we can make a pillow or a wall hanging out of it."

Oh my GOD! LET IT GO MAN. IT'S A FREAKING SHIRT!?

You don't see me hanging my favorite jockey bikini briefs on the wall the day I finally blow out the elastic.

They were good clothes. They served an honorable duty to the person who wore them. Let us remember our fallen clothing, and continue to honor them by recycling them as dust and car cleaning rags. Once they are nasty - toss em.

That's another thing that cracks some people up, I imagine. The saving of rags for garage use. I don't know about you, but when I was little, it was a federal offense to use papertowels for such things. Papertowels were for the kitchen. Newspaper was for cleaning windows and glass. And socks - well they never died. My grandma grew up during the depression. She could darn socks like nobodies business. We'd have socks for running around barefoot at her house - you know, so you didn't ruin socks on the hardwood floors. It was a little insane, but she loved to do it.. God love her.

An interesting topic... the recycling of clothing for other household uses. I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts on what to do with those nappy old clothes. I also found this interesting link on how to make your own cleaning supplies. Yea, I'm not really that ambitious, but if your fiance forgets to pick up something you need from the store, here's how you can make due with what you already have. Make Your Own Cleaners!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

The Overly Critical Mother strikes again

Happy Birthday to my mom, who for whatever reason has decided that her job on this earth is to constantly remind me about how little money I make and how much weight I have gained in the last 5 years.

ABQjournal article

"For example, a mother who sabotages every compliment with 'if only you'd lose a few pounds" can pass on a legacy of low self-esteem to her daughter, never even comprehending the hurt caused by her words. Overly critical or overly protective mothers can also make a lasting impact." - Jane Mahoney, ABQJournal

I sat down and cried last night after I got off the phone with her. I wish she would lay off of the criticism. I am 30 years old!!!!!! I am an adult.

For the record, I am not fat. I have only gone up or down one dress size in my entire life. I can say that because it's true. I am a tall girl, with a large frame - built like an amazon warrior. I have a lot of lean muscle! I am very athleticly built - but I AM NOT built at all like my mother. All my life I have weighed about 170-180 lbs. Now on some people, that would be fat... but on me that's nothing. When I was at my skinniest, I weighed 165 and was a size 12, and then MOM was worried I was TOO SKINNY.

I run 3 miles 3 times a week, and the rest of the time I either do Tae Bo or lift weights. Some days I will hit the bike trails for long rides...it just depends. I do all of this, and still I am consistently called "FAT" or that I should "WATCH WHAT I EAT.'

It doesn't stop with the weight...she criticizes me about my job, and how little money I make as a designer. How I should be making more.. how I should be doing this.. or that..

I stand up for myself everytime she does this! And everytime I do, we argue. I hang up and feel mad and then crushed.
I can't win, so I don't even play the game.

When nothing is ever good enough, you realize (at 30!) that it's her who has the problem... not you. She obsesses and worries, but you don't have to listen. Reminding yourself of this after one of those "phone blasts" is difficult.

The tough amazon princess, who can kill with a punch, is cut through the heart by the words of her own mother. The ultimate mortal wound.

Like Forrest Gump says, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."

I wonder, am I the only person out here like this?
How do you deal?