The Overly Critical Mother strikes again
Happy Birthday to my mom, who for whatever reason has decided that her job on this earth is to constantly remind me about how little money I make and how much weight I have gained in the last 5 years.
ABQjournal article
"For example, a mother who sabotages every compliment with 'if only you'd lose a few pounds" can pass on a legacy of low self-esteem to her daughter, never even comprehending the hurt caused by her words. Overly critical or overly protective mothers can also make a lasting impact." - Jane Mahoney, ABQJournal
I sat down and cried last night after I got off the phone with her. I wish she would lay off of the criticism. I am 30 years old!!!!!! I am an adult.
For the record, I am not fat. I have only gone up or down one dress size in my entire life. I can say that because it's true. I am a tall girl, with a large frame - built like an amazon warrior. I have a lot of lean muscle! I am very athleticly built - but I AM NOT built at all like my mother. All my life I have weighed about 170-180 lbs. Now on some people, that would be fat... but on me that's nothing. When I was at my skinniest, I weighed 165 and was a size 12, and then MOM was worried I was TOO SKINNY.
I run 3 miles 3 times a week, and the rest of the time I either do Tae Bo or lift weights. Some days I will hit the bike trails for long rides...it just depends. I do all of this, and still I am consistently called "FAT" or that I should "WATCH WHAT I EAT.'
It doesn't stop with the weight...she criticizes me about my job, and how little money I make as a designer. How I should be making more.. how I should be doing this.. or that..
I stand up for myself everytime she does this! And everytime I do, we argue. I hang up and feel mad and then crushed.
I can't win, so I don't even play the game.
When nothing is ever good enough, you realize (at 30!) that it's her who has the problem... not you. She obsesses and worries, but you don't have to listen. Reminding yourself of this after one of those "phone blasts" is difficult.
The tough amazon princess, who can kill with a punch, is cut through the heart by the words of her own mother. The ultimate mortal wound.
Like Forrest Gump says, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."
I wonder, am I the only person out here like this?
How do you deal?
ABQjournal article
"For example, a mother who sabotages every compliment with 'if only you'd lose a few pounds" can pass on a legacy of low self-esteem to her daughter, never even comprehending the hurt caused by her words. Overly critical or overly protective mothers can also make a lasting impact." - Jane Mahoney, ABQJournal
I sat down and cried last night after I got off the phone with her. I wish she would lay off of the criticism. I am 30 years old!!!!!! I am an adult.
For the record, I am not fat. I have only gone up or down one dress size in my entire life. I can say that because it's true. I am a tall girl, with a large frame - built like an amazon warrior. I have a lot of lean muscle! I am very athleticly built - but I AM NOT built at all like my mother. All my life I have weighed about 170-180 lbs. Now on some people, that would be fat... but on me that's nothing. When I was at my skinniest, I weighed 165 and was a size 12, and then MOM was worried I was TOO SKINNY.
I run 3 miles 3 times a week, and the rest of the time I either do Tae Bo or lift weights. Some days I will hit the bike trails for long rides...it just depends. I do all of this, and still I am consistently called "FAT" or that I should "WATCH WHAT I EAT.'
It doesn't stop with the weight...she criticizes me about my job, and how little money I make as a designer. How I should be making more.. how I should be doing this.. or that..
I stand up for myself everytime she does this! And everytime I do, we argue. I hang up and feel mad and then crushed.
I can't win, so I don't even play the game.
When nothing is ever good enough, you realize (at 30!) that it's her who has the problem... not you. She obsesses and worries, but you don't have to listen. Reminding yourself of this after one of those "phone blasts" is difficult.
The tough amazon princess, who can kill with a punch, is cut through the heart by the words of her own mother. The ultimate mortal wound.
Like Forrest Gump says, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."
I wonder, am I the only person out here like this?
How do you deal?
posted by BBKidd0 @ 8:56 AM
3 Comments:
At September 29, 2004 10:50 AM,
liz said…
My Dad does this to me. Never good enough, always negative comments.
You should go see this movie: What the bleep do we know. [www.whatthebleep.com]
I went to see it last night after I had a Mommie Dearest moment (no MORE WIRE HANGERS!!!!!!!!!!), related actually to my hair appointment, but anyway... it's movie about quantum physics, but also a feel good movie.... I can't really describe it but I left that movie sending postive vibes to the zit on my chin that keeps coming back, and asked it very nicely to go away, and voila! This morning, it's gone.
At March 4, 2009 7:16 AM,
Angelighte said…
so how did it all go for you?
At October 5, 2009 2:49 AM,
Lesley said…
OMG do we have the same mother??? You have no idea how much that echo's with me!!!!
I recently had a baby and was bed ridden throughout the pregnancy. Anyway I gained a lot of weight like 60 lbs and I was fat! At every conversation I had to listen to my mother in her passive agressive way ask "so what size are you now". Then when I had the baby it was "well I'm fat like you, I need to loose weight". Who says that to someone who is pregnant or just had a baby seriously. I love the "you can see it all in your face"... Anyway I can go on forever... Now the saga is that I hold my newborn baby to much and am spoling her.
How do others deal you ask... Well I don't. I usually just try to grin and bare it and leave her company in tears and feeling deflated. Then once I start to regain my confidence after a few days she will show up at my house unannounced like today only to strip away what little confidence I was able to build in that short timeframe.
And when I do say something to let her know how I am feeling, the response is, I'm to sensitive or depressed etc. I would love to sever all ties with her but then the guilt sets in. I am at the point that I am going to see a shrink to help me formulate a game plan to deal with her.
I pray that I don't end up like her treating my daughter the way she treats me.
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