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The Overly Critical Mother strikes again

Happy Birthday to my mom, who for whatever reason has decided that her job on this earth is to constantly remind me about how little money I make and how much weight I have gained in the last 5 years.

ABQjournal article

"For example, a mother who sabotages every compliment with 'if only you'd lose a few pounds" can pass on a legacy of low self-esteem to her daughter, never even comprehending the hurt caused by her words. Overly critical or overly protective mothers can also make a lasting impact." - Jane Mahoney, ABQJournal

I sat down and cried last night after I got off the phone with her. I wish she would lay off of the criticism. I am 30 years old!!!!!! I am an adult.

For the record, I am not fat. I have only gone up or down one dress size in my entire life. I can say that because it's true. I am a tall girl, with a large frame - built like an amazon warrior. I have a lot of lean muscle! I am very athleticly built - but I AM NOT built at all like my mother. All my life I have weighed about 170-180 lbs. Now on some people, that would be fat... but on me that's nothing. When I was at my skinniest, I weighed 165 and was a size 12, and then MOM was worried I was TOO SKINNY.

I run 3 miles 3 times a week, and the rest of the time I either do Tae Bo or lift weights. Some days I will hit the bike trails for long rides...it just depends. I do all of this, and still I am consistently called "FAT" or that I should "WATCH WHAT I EAT.'

It doesn't stop with the weight...she criticizes me about my job, and how little money I make as a designer. How I should be making more.. how I should be doing this.. or that..

I stand up for myself everytime she does this! And everytime I do, we argue. I hang up and feel mad and then crushed.
I can't win, so I don't even play the game.

When nothing is ever good enough, you realize (at 30!) that it's her who has the problem... not you. She obsesses and worries, but you don't have to listen. Reminding yourself of this after one of those "phone blasts" is difficult.

The tough amazon princess, who can kill with a punch, is cut through the heart by the words of her own mother. The ultimate mortal wound.

Like Forrest Gump says, "Sometimes there just aren't enough rocks."

I wonder, am I the only person out here like this?
How do you deal?

Wedding planning 101

Hello to any planning brides out there...

This is one of those rare moments when I'll actually post about something I saw online.

I think by now everyone has heard of The Knot Wedding Website. Yes, they have a nice site - and the magazine is ok. But actually a far more interesting and informative website is The Wedding Channel. Don't get me wrong - The Knot is a very good site, but it's geared towards a more youthful metro audience. They've got a magazine to sell on a rack, so they don't give all their goodies away. I don't get the same feeling about the wedding channel. They have downloadable planning forms (PDFs) and all the same tools as The Knot (planner, web page, guest list tool, registry) BUT the one thing I love about wedding channel is the information found on the site. There seem to be more photos and more idea generators on their site than The Knot.

Also - if you are planning music for the ceremony or reception and want to listen to the entire song without it getting cut off, but don't want to download a bunch of stuff - try going to Espew.com. Mind that you don't download anything, just play. They allow you to search by either song or artist, and most of the songs I have researched are played in their entirety.

And now a brief rant:
What is up with Wal-Mart's in-store registry? I have 3 days to walk around in the store with a gun or my registry will be deleted? Come on! Give me a little longer than 3 days! I went in on a Friday over a long holiday and apparently lost my registry information on Tuesday A.M! GRR.

Oh yes, one more thing:
David's Bridal David's Bridalhas TERRIBLE service. If you are thinking about ordering a bunch of bridesmaid dresses or a mom's dress and plan on having the alterations done at David's, be prepared for a long aggrivating wait. I ordered in April (mom's dress) and I STILL don't have a dress for my mom! The alteration and ordering people have messed up 3 times on the dress, (We can't get our money back. All sales final. ) I am about ready to walk. The really bad thing is, we placed the order on David's credit card and who knows what kind of "satisfaction guarantee" policy goes along with the card co. It's not like I can dispute it with Discover Card and they beat up the merchant...

Be wise. Pay with a credit card on all your purchases.

Good luck!

Kill Florist?

brideislove,
originally uploaded by BeaKidd0.

"From here you get an excellent view of my foot."

Whoever thought it would be impossible to get a wedding florist to call back? Don't those greedy little grubbers stand around wringing their hands at the thought of obtaining $1K from me?

This is the 3rd time I have called asking for someone... anyone... the cricket on the other end for cripes sake... to just fax me ANYTHING pertaining to flowers and their proposed budget.

What about the kike?!

Fortunately the cake decorator is a real sweetheart and hard worker... Not that the florist is a slacker...but customer service has evidently gone out the window. I wonder.. is there anyone left in this town that can handle a minimal budget? Or will I be forced to do my own flowers (not out of the question).

Wedding planning is a painfully slow process. You are looking at someone who (at work) makes budget decisions for clients in a matter of minutes and expects a certain level of compliance from her vendors. I feel like I am standing in concrete in a moving stream. nice visual... Time is passing, and yet I am stuck.

Some days, I swear I will elope!

I'm not a very froofy bride. You know, the ones that run to all the wedding shows and sign up for everything...spend a FORTUNE on wedding invites, have to have everything lacey and extravagant. Nope. Let's get this thing done.

My patience is running low.

My last day as a 29 year old!

Goodbye Roaring Twenties!

Wow, I can't belive I will be 30 tomorrow. It doesn't hardly seem possible! I've been so busy!

I'm excited to turn 30. I don't think I dread it, oh sure, I may get a moment of a little sadness thinking - geez, I'm another year older, but looking back on my twenties - MAN AM I GLAD THAT'S OVER!

I must say my 28 and 29th year were among the best of the last decade. I found the love of my life, I got engaged, I went back to school to finish up the OTHER degree I put off after my BFA, I graduated AGAIN and now I feel so much older, wiser, happier. ACCOMPLISHED.

I think I started out in my twenties not really knowing or understanding my own personality. I dated... A LOT. I can honestly say that in my twenties I did not slow down, and I really did a lot of fun stuff. I knew what it was to eat Raman noodles 3x's a week for dinner because I just could not afford anything else. I got to travel a little and visit friends in Jackson, MS, Pensacola, FL and Gulf Shores, Alabama. (Now under a lot of water I might add.) I partied with friends (Hey I'm fun but I'm not irresponsible!) and road tripped a lot. I also had jury duty twice and voted. I saw my mom go through chemotherapy and eventually remission! I moved to a huge town not knowing a soul and ended up making friends. I took up running and weight training! I made a major makeover when I lost 20 lbs and cut off all my hair! I learned A LOT about knee injuries...and recovered from one!

My twenties reminded me a lot of my gradeschool days. I made a lot of friends. I did a lot of fun stuff. I learned a lot in school, but mainly I learned that I was strong and independent. The more we change, the more we're still the same - right?

This little ENTJ has a lot more in store for her 30's...
My marriage, hopefully children, and perhaps enhancing my career even further!

It's exciting!
Overall.. I'm feeling more alive than ever... and not so much old as I feel wise.

Life is good!

HELLO 30!

I'm addicted to Diet Coke.

It's lunchtime and time for my daily addictions: Bill O'Reilly and Diet Coke. What is it about the two of them I find so delightfully addictive? Probably my penchant for an afternoon buzz. I used to think O'Reilly was over the top. This year, my thoughts have changed. This is a nasty nasty election year, and all the weirdos are coming out of the woodwork. I can't believe CBS was duped like it was. Even Mr. Abagnale agreed the docs are forgeries...

Who is looking out for the average joe schmoe? Honestly, I don't think it's any political party. I really don't think it's any particular faith or denomination. I think it comes down to personal accountability. For everyone. Period. In this world, in this time, in this place - you better believe the general attitude in the world is that nobody cares about the little guy. Sure, there are good people out there helping one another- and God Bless them - but just beware: Everyone has an agenda. Everyone has an axe to grind. It's great to be a good person, a good Christian, a good citizen or whatever but the world is an evil place.

Develop your own opinions. Think for yourself. Be a skeptic. I was, and this year I have sat back and watched the news with growing amusement, everyone is jumping allover one another. When it's all said and done, you're still the one that has to form an opinion, make a decision and act upon that decision. Nobody can do it for you, as much as they would love to.

Do what you will. Just be smart. Listen to all sides...question all authority and form your own opinions.

Remember: You watch out for you.

Feeling Monday on a Wednesday.

Gosh, don't I feel accomplished. I spent one hour of my morning trying to modify the design of a loan application by making the margins wider. Pantone 490C is killing me.

THHHHHHPPPP :P

Work is, for the most part, glaring at me like a big ugly gorilla on the corner of my desk. If I ignore it long enough, perhaps it will design itself.

If I had more time to write, I would - but this is all I have today. My brain is gone.

I ran yesterday. It was a very very nice afternoon.

Ivan will be here before we know it. Maybe New Orleans will sink...maybe not?
Better get a raft. Ahhhhh-weeeee!